Empty, Useless and So Freakin' Tired
How do I keep going on empty?
How do I give when I have nothing in me left to give?
How do I trek through when I have no energy.
Are my future dreams useless now?
Am I barren in vision and purpose?
How do I serve when I am so tired?
How do I keep on doing what I feel called to do when I have no passion, energy or drive anymore?
I have never felt what some people could call "depression". Until lately. I was not medically diagnosed with depression so I’m not even sure that that’s the right word to use but for the sake of time and ease we’ll just call it that.
One day I just hit wall. It literally was over night. Boom. No energy. No drive and so tired. I still had dreams and visions in my heart but I felt like there was nothing in me to pour into making them a reality. I literally could not fathom pushing myself to fulfill them. I could only think about sleep. “When can I sleep? I didn’t sleep well last night. Is it appropriate to take a nap right now. Can I send the kids to bed at 6pm so I can go sleep? I have no energy! Can I please just crash already?”
I even started having crazy thoughts I knew were not healthy. Thoughts that scared me. Thoughts that break my heart. Thoughts of ways to ease the pain and tiredness. Thoughts from the devil. I knew to not let the thoughts stay in my head. Once I realized a thought had entered my mind I’d throw it out. I didn’t dwell there thankfully. But I knew things had to change! And fast.
So how do we keep going? How do we press on? What can we do to get out of the funk?
The short answer is I don’t really know for sure.
That’s helpful, I know right?!?! But even though I know each person is different maybe some of these thing that are helping me overcome can help you too. I don’t know what you’re facing. I don’t know what’s happening in your life to drain you and make you feel useless, pointless and tired but I am here to tell you, You Are More Than You Realize.
Please keep pushing!
1.The first thing I did was sleep. Yep I slept (a lot). If you’re tired, It’s okay to rest! I love sleep like a sixteen year old, quarterback so taking it easy was not a problem for me.
2.Secondly, I spoke with a doctor. Blood work and a frank conversation with the doctor was definitely in order! After everything came back normal she kinda told me to tweak a few things but otherwise suck it up buttercup and drink more water. (I was already hearing it from my hubby constantly. I’d get a headache and his response was, “Go drink water”. I’d stub my toe and somehow he thought I could drink some water and it’d feel better again. It’s like the Windex in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. )
3.Third, I spoke with 2 friends I trusted! There wasn’t much that was life changing after each talk but getting it off my chest did so much good for me. I didn’t eve
n realize how much in the moment but talking about how empty and tired I felt helped more than I could have guessed. At the time, honestly talking was exhausting. Thinking of something semi-intelligent to say sounded so tiring. But when you’ve ignored 2 invites to hang out, 27 texts and 3 phone calls, they start to catch on. So It wasn’t much of a shock anyways. Your people love you (for some odd reason) and they want nothing more than to help you. Even though you and they both know that they can’t do too much to actually help you out of the funk, good friends want to be apart of your healing process.
4.Next came, Focusing on God. Just making a decision to think about God for extra moments throughout the day made a HUGE difference. As simple as, “Oh, hi God.” “Thanks for letting me wake up today.” “God I know no matter what I feel, You are good!”
5.Fifth, I looked at what I had in my life, who was counting on me, and what I had accomplished already. Knowing I was setting an example for my children made me kick myself in my own butt. And believe me I’m not normally naturally coordinated enough to do that but somehow I did. Just ask my Zumba instructors!
6.Lastly, I started to make goals again. Making Goals and starting to dream again changes your perspective. Setting goals and dates for said goals helped me have a timeline and renewed excitement for what was ahead. If I actually hustled enough even though I didn’t feel like it, I could bring myself to a better life. I could bring myself to feel whole again and have a sense of fulfillment.
I can still have bad days every once in a while but with the above mentioned steps towards a way out I can know that tomorrow is going to be better. Today I push hard and tomorrow will be easier. Kinda like going to the gym. Today I hate that stupidly, adorable Zumba instructor who clearly goes to nightclubs every night to dance her little heart and perfectly round booty out. But tomorrow (or more realistically a month from now) I will appreciate that I got up today and went to Zumba, got all sweaty and made myself look like that Zumba meme on facebook featuring Jim Carrey in a tutu.
YOU ARE CAPABLE OF MORE!
YOU ARE MORE THAN YOU KNOW!
YOU CAN KEEP GOING!